If you ever thought you had commitment issues… this is for you 😉
In the past years as I’ve been traveling to different places, settling for a bit and then gathering my things to take off again, I wondered if there was something in me that was afraid to stay. Was there something great for me where I was but some part of me felt like I didn’t deserve it? Was I just making things more difficult for myself by not following the norm?
Now I know more clearly. It’s not that I can’t commit. I was feeling into a deeper, more subtle place in me that was telling me: “eh, not quite it yet. You can stay if you want… you’ll be safe and all, but you’re not gonna get that ‘wow’ you know is waiting for you if you dive into the unknown.
“Lean into it. There’s another side, another story than the one you know. Right on the other side of where your knowing and your experience end. Once you approach that line, feel it. Feel its permeable nature, its translucence. It is not a wall, but a bridge.
“Begin to lean into that unknowing. Begin to cultivate within you that strength to loosen your grip on what you’ve always known. And begin to flirt with the possibility of the unknown. Let it envelop you as you smile back with gratitude and appreciation at all of what was and what has been. All that has shaped you into the beautiful masterpiece you are in this very moment.”
No, it’s not that I have been afraid of commitment, like many people so casually and culturally refer to it as. We know. Although it might not be obvious to us in the moment, we know when there is something else for us, something that is better suited to promote and contain the space for our growth.
It’s up to us, though, to discern: is it our tendency to run away when things get real? Or was our tendency to stay and endure an unpleasant situation for too long because we’ve been afraid to move? Are we being invited to play bigger by learning to stay when we normally would run? Or is it in service of our growth to make a big move into some uncharted territory?
For me I had been familiar with staying, which slyly progresses into stagnation, if not identified quickly enough. Yes, there were whispers and internal pulls that I was aware of, but I was still too susceptible to the influence of other people’s projected fears and doubts to be able to act with conviction.
I still depended somewhat on their feedback, which came in the form of concealed disapproval, as I loosely laid out the path I was still formulating in my mind. That’s because long before it could ever take shape in my mind with a strategy and steps to get there, it lived in my heart in feelings. And this isn’t something that can easily be conveyed to skeptical followers of our society’s patterns.
Fortunately, I didn’t let those outer voices permeate my inner knowing enough to suffocate my inner flame. Enough, yes, to create discord within me and a feeling like there was some suit they were trying to fit me in that felt terribly wrong. Thankfully, that discord was enough for me to say, “Enough! I don’t want your ideas anymore. I’m going after mine.”
My heart starts to flutter and wake up as if to say, “this is you! This is your time to break through the veil and show them who you really are. You’ve had this in you all along. Now watch as you allow yourself to feel the fear and do it anyway.”
I write this to remind you not to let the outer forces extinguish your flame. Maybe for a time you needed them because you weren’t sure enough yet of your footing. There was a time you still needed to be led by the torches of others because the way was too dim for you to go alone.
But now you’ve experimented enough with your own flame, you’ve tried it out in different situations, you’ve become more familiar with its capability and how to hold it. It’s yours now. You can begin to walk the way on your own, following the light of your own torch. Being guided by your own internal knowing.
I think it’s valuable, if you’ve ever viewed your propensity to withdraw or leave a situation as having commitment issues, to examine more deeply. Is there something within you that remains unresolved? Are you being called to foster a more intimate understanding of your present circumstance, or are you being called to a new environment more suited for your personal growth?
As you open up space for this inquiry, there will always be the opinions of friends, family members, partners and so on. Remember you can take these into account, without losing touch of your inner authority. The way often reveals itself in subtle whispers and the more you get quiet and trust the validity of your heart’s desires, the more clear these whispers become.
Often it’s not that we have resistance towards commitment, but rather we’ve allowed the thoughts and ideas of other people to cause us to vacillate, where we normally would have acted with conviction.
A simple method for cultivating the invaluable relationship with your inner knowing and strengthening your inner authority is:
- Get quiet
- Hear the guidance
- Act on it.
Whether your journey involves staying or going, it’s a worthy ride. Happy travels, my friend. 🙂